Thesis Project - Who Hurt You the Most

I created this image last semester for my thesis project “Sorry for the Mess,” which is a personal look at mental illness. The project strives to go beyond the surface level that most mental health projects touch on and actually give a honest and authentic look at mental illness.

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This image titled “Who Hurt You the Most?” was actually prompted by a question asked on Tiktok. I was scrolling through my FYP when a video came up that asked the question, “When you look at your past, who hurt you the most?” And without hesitation, I said, “I did.”

Now that may be surprising for most people, but when you struggle daily with ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, and Depression, and you struggle to fit into a world that isn’t built for you, that can really fuck you up. Society tells you that you should not be struggling with the stuff that you are. And because you have been told that your whole life, you believe that there is something screwed up about you because you just can’t seem to make things work. The forgetfulness, the anxiety, the anger, you turn all those things in on yourself and your self-hatred grows. And it continues to grow throughout your life because everything continues to seem harder than it should be. You start to think and say, “God I hate myself,” “Why the fuck can’t I just be normal?” “I am so fucking stupid.” And that just compounds on itself.

So when I am asked, who hurt me the most, my answer will always be, “Me.” But with that said, this project is making me learn to give myself grace and learn to loosen that grip on self-hatred. Seeing it displayed in this manner allows me to understand and process it.